What I've always wanted to say...

...to relatives/clients/acquaintances and people I meet on planes who try to tell me I should do their internet marketing their way, 'cause somehow I don't know what works, of course, after 10+ years:

"Sir/Madam, you are a moron. A lovable moron, but when it comes to internet marketing, a moron nonetheless. Even worse, you don't seem to know that that's the case.

You clearly learned about internet marketing from a cereal box or an old edition of Boy's Life.

Please follow my advice about your campaign so that you don't screw over your whole business and end up living with a shopping cart in [city of your choice here], picking rats out of dumpsters and fighting with them over 3-day-old chinese food.

Then one day you'll be stuck outside in the freezing cold. Three teenagers will beat you senseless, laughing, and then you'll die a slow, horrible death of pneumonia.

In the mean time, I'll have bought my new bike, a great car, and be enjoying life. If you don't want my help, I can go help someone else, and do just fine. So do whatever you want. But really, I like you. And I've spent a long time learning this stuff, on purpose. You should listen."


What I usually say:

"Hmmm. That's a good idea. Why don't we try..."